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We’ve all been there, a moment when someone at church says something or does something that hurts our feelings. The church is meant to be a place of peace and unity, but misunderstandings and hurt can still occur even in the best communities. How do we move forward with grace when our emotions feel overwhelming?

Let’s talk about it.

It’s completely natural to feel hurt when someone from your church family causes you pain. However, what we do next can make all the difference in our healing journey and our relationship with God and the person who caused us harm.  I have witnessed folks leaving their church home because of unresolved issues. Here are 10 steps to guide you:

Acknowledge Your Feelings
 It’s okay to feel upset or hurt. Your emotions are valid. Please take a moment to process what happened and how it made you feel. Permit yourself to feel, without judgment.
Reflect on the Situation
 Take a moment to consider the details. What exactly happened? Was it a misunderstanding? Was the comment or action intentional, or could it have been careless? Understanding the situation helps you respond calmly and constructively.
Seek Understanding
 Sometimes, what feels like an offense might not be intended as one. Consider reaching out to the person involved for a conversation. They may not even realize the impact of their actions.
Talk to Someone You Trust
 Having a safe space to express your feelings can be a healing experience. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or even a pastor. Sometimes, simply voicing your concerns can help you gain a clearer perspective.

Address the Issue Directly
 If necessary, approach the person who hurt you gently. Choose to speak from a place of kindness and humility. Use “I” statements to express how their actions made you feel rather than accusing them.
Practice Forgiveness
Forgiveness is not about letting someone off the hook; it’s about releasing yourself from the weight of bitterness. Choosing to forgive will free you and bring you peace.
Focus on Spiritual Growth
 View this as an opportunity for personal and spiritual growth. Reflect on what God might be teaching you through this situation. It’s a chance to strengthen your faith and resilience.
Stay Connected to Your Church Family
 Don’t let one negative experience push you away from your church community. Continue attending services, joining activities, and engaging with those who uplift and encourage you.
Seek Support if Needed
 If the hurt is deep, don’t hesitate to contact a counselor or therapist who can help you navigate your feelings and provide tools to aid in your healing.
Remember Your Worth
 Above all, remember that your value comes from Christ, not from the opinions or actions of others. You are loved, cherished, and worthy of respect.
Remember, these are only suggestions; whatever you decide to do is between you and God. Please take the time to think and pray before acting.

Please share this post with someone you love, and let us know in the comments what helps you find peace when hurt feelings arise.

With Peace & Love,

Renee

Resources:

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